Thursday, July 8, 2010

Doomsday on the Broadway Local: Day 11

Oh Thursday morning you. I hopped onto a Q train and everything was going just fine. We rolled into Queensboro Plaza and we were still feeling fairly spacious and comfy.

So of course that's when it happened. "Ladies and gentlemen, we are being held momentarily by the train's dispatcher. Please be patient." The automated voice of The New R160 seriously gets on my nerves. Or maybe creeps me out. Or maybe both. No, you know what really irks me? The fact that they'll play that damn message about once every 45 second. To the point where I start responding to it out loud: WE KNOW. Did you think we forgot that we're standing still? Hey, maybe we're actually playing miniature golf!

And frankly, we don't give a rat's ass what made up reason you're giving us for the train not moving forward. If it's workers on the track, you'll tell us it's a signal malfunction. If it's a signal malfunction, you'll tell us it's a track fire. If it's a track fire, you'll tell us it's train traffic. If it's train traffic, you'll tell us it's a sick passenger. If it's a sick passenger, you'll tell us it's workers on the track. At least, that's how it used to be, back when human beings would talk into terrible mics over worse PA systems. Now, if you're in the station, it's "being held by the dispatcher". If you're in between stations, it's "train traffic". OK. Shur.

ANYWAY. After sitting at QBP and absorbing about three 7 trains, we were no longer the comfy and carefree Q train we once were. But no matter, we were on our way. Or so we thought. Alas. "Ladies and gentlemen, we are being held momentarily due to train traffic ahead. Please be patient." And that's when I began to notice the murderous rage in my neighbors' eyes...

Nah, it isn't that bad. It's just that nobody wants to deal with that shit first thing in the morning. We want to get to work, and we want to know why they can't just get it right, damnit. But of course there are a thousand variables that go on every hour that we know nothing about... And the incident did make me realize: it's the first time I've experienced a significant in-route delay since The Big Switch. So that has to be worth something.

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